My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
