Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
