Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
