I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
