i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
