He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize