He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i out mim tonsoeep
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