IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
