What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
