My liver just broke up with me...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
