Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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