hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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