what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
