roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
