I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize