Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
