ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
