Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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