i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
