I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
