she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I came so hard my ears popped.
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