Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
