Im at strip club and am horny
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need a beard to bite.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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