look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
