You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
