Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He did a backflip because drugs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
