By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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