Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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