the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
