***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
