He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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