Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize