Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
