i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
