He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
