i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He passed out mid-signature
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
