We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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