you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
