they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today