I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.