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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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