shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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