So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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