Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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