ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
