I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
