his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize