I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
