walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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