you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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