YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
