Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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