I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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