Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
