It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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