My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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