OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
