how can u be prego again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
