All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
