When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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