So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
