just tell him i said nine months
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
