i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
