1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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