I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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