Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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