her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
