i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
