So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
