my vag is so smooth its legendary
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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