Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
