I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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