If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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