I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
