so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize